5 Amazing (or not so) Road Trip Tips and Tricks

As my family and I prepare to depart on a 5 hour road trip this Thursday I felt it my civic duty to pass on the wisdom I have learned after 14 years of road tripping with kids.

Tip 1-

Lots and lots of  Benedryl.  (side note-not for the kids... for me.  A couple of these suckers and you will sleep through the impending carnage that your 14 and 12 year old are surely to create)

Tip 2-

Duck Tape (side note-see BRIAN... it is called duck tape... not duct. I WIN!!!!) (side side note-I know what you are thinking it is NOT to tape your kids' mouths shut or to bind their hands) (side side side note-not that there's anything wrong with that) If your bumper falls off, if hose springs a leak, if you need to kidnap a hitch hiker... you can never have too much of this in your road trip arsenal.

Tip 3-

Pepsi... by the GALLONS.  Because at some point you will be expected to wake up from your Benadryl induced haze.  (side note-DO NOT share this with the children if your value the tiny bit of sanity you have left after driving with them for 5 hours)

Tip 4-

Earplugs...You think the kids' fighting drives you nuts?!?!?! Just wait until you are forced to listen to Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh for hours on end.  (side note-these will keep your ears from bleeding and also prevent any freeway throat punch attempts) (side side note-not that I would ever throat punch anyone who subjects me to bad public radio)

Tip 5-

Bring a Gnome... Mostly because they are cute.  And because they have magical powers.  And you can use them to hide some of that belly fat. But mostly because if you accidentally leave them at home they have wild house parties with those ugly plastic pink flamingos.